Honestly I just needed helium balloons for my kid’s birthday party last weekend. Grabbed a pack of shiny blue ones from the dollar store first thing Friday morning. Big mistake. Nobody told me those things don’t float by themselves. You need that stupid helium gas.
The Wild Goose Chase Begins
First stop: Pharmacy near my house. Walked straight to the back counter all confident. “Yeah we stopped filling balloons last year,” the cashier said without even looking up. Wasted 20 minutes driving there for nothing.
Next idea: Party supply warehouse downtown. Google said “balloon services available.” Ha! Showed up with my bag of limp balloons. “Sorry our helium tank’s empty. Supplier’s backed up,” the manager shrugged. Suggested I try craft stores. Like hell I’m dragging these balloons all over town.
Desperate Phone Tag Round
- Called Flower Shop: “We only fill OUR bouquets’ balloons”
- Called Grocery Store: “Machine broke 3 months ago”
- Called Dollar General: actual laughter “Ma’am we sell chips”
- Called “Bob’s Party Shack”: disconnected number
Finally reached some fancy gift shop. Guy sounded annoyed: “Yeah bring ’em in but it’s $3 per balloon.” Three bucks each?! For gas that probably costs pennies? My whole pack cost $1.25. Hung up so fast.
The Sketchy DIY ‘Solution’
Nearly gave up when my neighbor Frank yelled over the fence: “My kid’s got a leftover helium tank from graduation!” Sweet! Rushed over… only to find a dinky 8-inch canister with half a breath of gas left. We tried anyway. Balloon got maybe 60% full before the tank hissed empty. Kid looked devastated. Had to hang that sad half-floater next to properly inflated ones from years ago. Looked like it had a hangover.
What Actually (Sorta) Worked
Ended up at Big-Box Store Saturday morning. Finally found the party section after walking past clothes and TVs for 10 minutes. Spotted the helium tank chained to a post! BUT:
- No employee anywhere near it
- Phone number on sign just rang forever
- Found worker stocking toilet paper 5 aisles over
- She sighed like I asked her to move a mountain
After waiting 15 minutes, she dragged the tank out. Got the balloons filled while she tapped her foot staring at her phone. Charged me $8 for six balloons – still cheaper than that gift shop jerk. Balloons lasted about… 8 hours before sinking. Birthday kid cried when his “rocket balloon” crashed onto the cake.
Moral of the story? Helium’s a freaking luxury item now. Either pay stupid money, chase rumors for hours, or buy your own $200 tank. Next birthday I’m blowing these up with my own hot air and taping ’em to the ceiling like a caveman.