Alright so yesterday I got this crazy idea from somewhere – what if balloons could actually lift stuff? Like proper heavy things? Sounded wild but hey, fun experiment time! Grabbed my kid’s leftover birthday balloons (the cheapo latex ones) and headed to the dollar store. Big mistake.
The Great Helium Hunt
First hurdle: finding helium. Who knew it’d be such a pain? Drove to three different party stores. First place looked at me like I had two heads when I asked for just the helium. Second place wanted twenty bucks for a tiny tank. Third place? Jackpot. Old dude behind the counter shrugged, filled two giant balloons for me for five bucks cash. Score one for persistence.
Balloon Wrestling 101
Got home all pumped. Tied strings to my prize balloons – immediately realized that knot-tying with slippery latex while wearing winter gloves is basically advanced yoga. Lost my grip on the first one. Shot straight to the ceiling like a rocket, floating there smugly while I danced underneath like an idiot waving a broomstick.
- Balloon Escape Attempt #1: Tried using a chair. Balloon dodged.
- Balloon Escape Attempt #2: Leaned the broomstick on the wall. Nearly took out a lamp.
- Victory: Finally snagged it by jumping off the couch. Felt like Spiderman. Looked ridiculous.
Loading Up the Lifters
So I tied a plastic cup to the end of each balloon string. Felt stupid immediately. Duh, the cup weighs almost nothing. Time for payload experiments:
- Started dropping pennies in. One… two… balloon didn’t care. Kept floating.
- Got cocky. Dropped a whole handful of pennies into one cup. The balloon nosedived faster than my last diet attempt. Guess those pennies added up quick.
- Switched to paperclips. Easier to count. First balloon lifted a measly six paperclips before giving up. Second, slightly bigger balloon? Eight whole paperclips. Wow. Such lifting power.
- Tried adding a metal keychain. Balloon laughed at me. Sank like a stone.
The Big Takeaway (Hint: It’s Not Heavy)
Turns out, dollar store balloons plus cheap party helium lift about as much as… well, a few paperclips. Kinda depressing? Maybe. Funny? Definitely. The kids thought it was hilarious watching me jump for balloons though. Worth five bucks? Eh, for the laugh I guess. Learned one thing for sure – don’t trust balloon lifting services for your move anytime soon.