Alright so last weekend I got this dumb idea to throw a surprise birthday party for my niece. Figured hey, balloons are easy right? Just buy a bunch and blow ’em up. Total disaster. Some turned out tiny like apples, others gigantic as my dog. Looked like drunken mutant decorations.
The Measuring Mess
After scraping popped balloon bits off my ceiling, I grabbed a tape measure and all my leftover balloons. Tried measuring them flat first – stupid mistake. They looked like sad rubber pancakes. Blew up 10 random ones from the pack instead. Measured across the fattest part while trying not to pop ’em.
My “lab equipment”:
- Dollar store tape measure
- My lungs as the air pump
- Sticky notes for scribbling sizes
- Lemonade I spilled twice
What Actually Works
Tried three types since party shops got confusing:
- Regular latex ones: Blew up 20 of these suckers. Measured while dodging my cat’s paws. Most landed between 9 to 12 inches across when fully inflated. Average? Almost 11 inches. Who knew?
- Those skinny long balloons: Made six balloon dogs that looked like sick worms. Ruler showed 24 inches to over 3 feet! Forgot they stretch forever.
- Big round foil numbers: Bought two huge “18”s. Measured diagonally ’cause corners messed me up. Both hit 18 inches. Felt proud till one escaped out the window.
Cheat Sheet I Should’ve Had
Wrote this down after vacuuming glitter for an hour:
- Dining table centerpieces? 9-12 inch latex balloons
- Ceiling danglers? Go fat – 12-14 inches
- Photo backdrop? Mix sizes but skip anything under 9 inches
- Balloon animals? Ugh just buy pre-made
Trust me – write sizes on your shopping list. Lost three deflated ones under my sofa for days.
Dumb Stuff I Learned the Hard Way
Size labels lie. That “12 inch” bag? Some shrank to 8 inches when inflated. Cheap balloons suck air worse than my vacuum. And always blow up samples before the party – two balloons in my batch had secret holes.
Oh! Nearly forgot. Don’t mix sizes in clusters unless you want lopsided balloon piles. My “elegant” entrance arch looked like it had mumps.