Right, so last Tuesday I’m staring at this plane ticket to Nepal thinking holy crap I leave in five days. Dumped my backpack on the bed and realized I had no clue what to stuff in there. Last time I did serious mountains was years back in Colorado, and that ended with me borrowing someone else’s gloves like a chump. Never again.
The Gear Dump
Grabbed my old hiking backpack first – still had dust from the Grand Canyon on it. Figured starting with clothes made sense. Dug out every thermal layer I owned: those cheap polyester ones from Walmart, my thicker REI merino wool top, and this puffy jacket from Uniqlo. Threw ’em all in a pile. Almost grabbed jeans too before remembering that old saying about cotton killing. Yanked ’em back out.
The “Oh Yeah” Moments
Halfway through folding thermals, I slapped my forehead. MEDS! Totally blanked on altitude stuff. Ransacked my bathroom cabinet:
- That half-full Diamox prescription from 2020
- Ibuprofen bottles scattered everywhere
- Pepto tablets rolling under the sink
- Ancient tube of sunscreen that might’ve expired last winter
Dumped it all in a ziplock baggie feeling smug. Then remembered hearing horror stories about burst sunscreen tubes. Wrapped that thing in three plastic grocery bags.
Trial Packing Chaos
Shoved everything into the backpack – looked like a overstuffed sausage. Zipper wouldn’t close AT ALL. Had to sit on it while yanking the zipper. Heard threads popping. Great. Emptied half out and did the roll-and-stuff method instead of folding. Somehow jammed in:
- Sleeping bag liner (never trusting mountain huts)
- Headlamp with dying batteries
- Portable charger heavier than my shoe
- Two Nalgene bottles clanking like wind chimes
The Disaster Check
Got cocky and wore the fully loaded pack around my apartment pretending to hike. Made it three laps before:
- The left shoulder strap started digging into my collarbone
- That metal water bottle whacked my elbow repeatedly
- Sunscreen ziplock leaked sparkly gunk onto my carpet
Wound up cutting two sweaters and one pair of socks. Sacrifices must be made.
Here’s where it got messy. Pulled out my passport to check visas and saw my ex’s coffee stain on page 17. Cue flashback to screaming about “trust issues” in that Chilean airport terminal. Nearly forgot dental floss trying to remember WHICH pocket held my emergency cash stash last time. Almost threw lip balm in last second after recalling Nepal wind chap horror stories. Trip prep always uncovers emotional baggage too.
Final Dump & Rage Moment
Morning of departure – zipped everything shut. Picked up pack. Slight buzzing sound? Unzipped everything AGAIN. Found my toothbrush buzzing away wrapped in a sock. WHERE’S THE DAMN SUNSCREEN? Panic-searched everywhere before finding it still sticky in the kitchen trash.
Currently on plane. Pack weight’s still off. Shoulder’s already sore. But at least I won’t freeze or dehydrate. Probably.