The Experiment Begins
Last Tuesday I rolled outta bed thinking “screw it, let’s try this 350g protein challenge”. Saw some buff dudes online talking about it for muscle gains. My regular intake? Maybe 150 grams max. Felt like jumping from a kiddie pool into the ocean.
Groceries & Prep Chaos
Stormed the supermarket like a madman. Grabbed:
- Six cartons of egg whites – chugged one right in the parking lot
- Industrial sized Greek yogurt tubs that looked like concrete mix
- Raw chicken breasts that could double as workout weights
- Whey powder big enough to supply a gym
Spent Sunday cooking like some protein-crazed maniac. Measured every damn gram with my kitchen scale. Had containers stacked up higher than my kid’s LEGOs.
The Day of Protein War
7am: Woke up and slammed a shake with 60g protein. Felt like drinking wet cement. Choked down 8 egg whites while gagging.
10am: Ate two chicken breasts drier than desert sand. Chugged another 40g whey shake mid-zoom call – coworkers thought I was doing a weird science experiment.
1pm: Ate tuna straight from the can like a starving raccoon. Yogurt with protein powder tasted like chalk pudding.
4pm: Stomach started rumbling like a washing machine full of rocks. Farted so bad the dog left the room.
7pm: Last meal was beef strips while staring at the shaker bottle like it was my nemesis. Almost puked forcing down the final 50g night-time casein.
The Aftermath
Woke up feeling like I’d swallowed a cinderblock. Zero energy despite all that “fuel”. Spent half the morning in the bathroom. Checked the mirror – no magical muscles, just bloating that made me look 3 months pregnant. Lasted exactly one miserable day before switching back to normal portions. Lesson learned? More ain’t always better. Unless you enjoy living in the toilet.